to quit or not to quit?

have you ever felt that you are in a situation that you want to escape but you cant because of reasons you need to consider? well, im in one right now.

when i got a job overseas, i felt lucky. as my husband would always say, not everyone is given that chance so you must appreciate it. actually, i still feel lucky. it's just that i'm bored. im only doing support now. find something so that you'll do something. at first, it's kinda okay. but now, it isn't. it really isn't.

during the planning stage of the migration, we were only 5 in dcs. 1 TL and 4 programmers, out of the 4 are 2 regular employees. so when they told me that i'll be the one left to do the support to the old system while the others would handle the migration, it was ok with me. the whole system is migrating, so i thought that they need to prioritize their regular employees (besides i only have a year's contract). ok. i accepted that. but now, i actually feel worthless. im a contractor here, earning more than the regulars, but im not doing much. i mean you get contractors to do the tougher work for you. but here i am, doing system support. my TL asked me to resolve the system dumps. duh! why the heck do i need to solve all those system errors when after a few months, no one will be using the system anymore? this is really stupid.

that's why i really want to quit now. BUT…

after working for 7 months, i can't really say that we have savings. we had to pay our debts which we left in the phils, my mom's debts and the credit cards. so i cant quit now. i went here to earn and save money and i haven't achieved that. i always say that this is for my daughter. but what is happening? im sending more than half of my salary every month for payment and to give to my relatives. before i just sent to my mom, brother, uncle and aunts. my mom said i also have to give to my other uncle, cousins and nieces. why do i have to do that? because if i don't they will think that im not sharing what i have. they will say that i am "madamot". so instead of hearing all those nasty comments, i just give in to what my mom wants.

now the whole point of going here is starting to become nonsense. i only have a few months left. i dont want to extend because honestly i dont really like here anymore. i will try to apply in singapore or dubai but what if i dont get hired?

im really in a daze right now. i want to go but i just cant quit.
im just leaving it all up to destiny and faith.
i know that God has plans for me and my family.

note: im sharing this poem because this is what keeps me going.

DONT QUIT

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit –
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late when night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, –
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.